I learned a long time ago that minor surgery is when they do the operation on someone else, not you – Bill Walton.

Warning: Humor may be hazardous to your illness – Ellie Katz.

I wonder why you can always read a doctor’s bill and you can never read his prescription – Finley Peter Dunne.

To array a man’s will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine – Henry Ward Beecher.

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won’t hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill – Johnny Carson.

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax – tomorrow you’ll be afraid to cough – Pearl Williams.

If I had my way I’d make health catching instead of disease – Robert Ingersoll.

After two days in the hospital, I took a turn for the nurse – W.C. Fields.