I hope they notice the mistletoe tied to my coattails as I leave town – Abe Lemons.

Only cowards insult dying majesty – Aesop.

The problem with the gene pool is that there’s no lifeguard – David Gerrold.

If there is a God, atheism must seem to Him as less of an insult than religion – Edmond de Goncourt.

Irony is an insult conveyed in the form of a compliment – Edwin P. Whipple.

A gentleman will not insult me, and no man not a gentleman can insult me – Frederick Douglass.

Music with dinner is an insult both to the cook and the violinist – G. K. Chesterton.

A slander is like a hornet; if you can’t kill it dead the first time, better not strike at it – Henry Wheeler Shaw.

A broken bone can heal, but the wound a word opens can fester forever – Jessamyn West.

A dog is not almost-human, and I know of no greater insult to the canine race than to describe it as such – John Holmes.

The only gracious way to accept an insult is to ignore it; if you can’t ignore it, top it; if you can’t top it, laugh at it; if you can’t laugh at it, it’s probably deserved – J. Russel Lynes.

An injury is much sooner forgotten than an insult – Lord Chesterfield.

A graceful taunt is worth, a thousand insults – Louis Nizer.

The institution of Royalty in any form is an insult to the human race – Mark Twain.

Adding “just kidding” doesn’t make it okay to insult the Principal – Nancy Cartwright.

She has the answer to everything and the solution to nothing – Oscar Levant.

Popularity is the one insult I have never suffered – Oscar Wilde.

Never insult anyone by accident – Robert A. Heinlein.

It was a book to kill time for those who like it better dead – Rose Macaulay.

Her face was her chaperone – Rupert Hughes.

It is often better not to see an insult than to avenge it – Seneca.

The first human who hurled an insult instead of a stone was the founder of civilization – Sigmund Freud.

I won’t insult your intelligence by suggesting that you really believe what you just said – William F. Buckley, Jr.

Envy is an insult to oneself – Yevgeny Yevtushenko.